Take three balloons that are the same size. Smash up some garlic and put it into one balloon, blow it up and tie it off. Put some perfume into another balloon, blow it up and tie it off. Blow up the third balloon and tie it off.

After a half hour, check whether you can smell a difference. Next set the balloons near a light bulb. Try to smell the difference after the balloons have been near the heat for a half hour. What is on the inside of the balloons, will begin to seep through the pores of the balloon and diffuse into the air.

Questions to ask your children:

• What do you think the balloons represent? (Humans)
• What do you think the garlic represents? (Bad attitudes, extreme anger, bitterness, hatred)
• What do you think the perfume represents? (Good attitudes, kindness, love, forgiveness)
• What do you think the air represents? (Indifference, fence-sitting)
• What do you think the light bulb/heat represents? (Tough times in life)

We might look the same, but inside of us is something that may smell bad, good or like nothing. During our lives, we will put off an odor.  Sometimes it is faint, but when we go through tough times in our life, what is inside of us really comes to the surface. 

When we learn to be kind, loving and forgiving, our pores produce a sweet aroma that  will attract people into our lives.

In the book, a young boy wants to be a marine biologist specializing in sea turtles. But the adults around him discourage him. His teacher tells him that you have to be smart in science, and science is not his best subject. A salesperson tells him that it will take a long time to become a marine biologist. His mother tells him that they cannot pay for college. And his grandfather tells him his dad will be disappointed because being a farmer runs in the family. 

He lets these opinions steal his dream. As the boy is telling Dr. Toruga, a marine biologist he met, why he can’t be a marine biologist, she tells him that those are all excuses he has chosen to believe. No one but he can know if they are true or not, and he will only know when he tries. He could be anything he wants to be if he doesn’t let excuses stop him.

The boy decides to believe that he can be a marine biologist.  He believes he is smart enough to get good grades. He works, saves for college and makes his dream come true. 

Questions to discuss with your child: 

• What is your dream?
• What is the difference between dreams and goals?
• What are some excuses that can stop you from reaching your dreams?
• What did the boy decide to believe?
• What did he do to become smarter?
• Just because something takes a long time to do, does it mean you shouldn’t do it? Why or why not?
• What did the boy decide to do about his parents not having the money for college?
• We never know if his dad was disappointed; what do you think?
• What choices did the boy made?
• Do you have any excuses stopping you from reaching your dreams?
• What choices can you make toward fulfilling your dreams?

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.” Napoleon Hill

In previous blogs, we have discussed helping our children:

• Build their confidence by doing things they are afraid of
• Learn they are not failures if they don’t accomplish a task the first time
• Grow into a positive characteristic that you expect them to have 

We now want to touch on the labels we place on our children. Children will grow up believing the labels that you or other adults put on them. Many labels can be viewed in either a negative or positive way. It always seems easier to look at the negative, but since we want to build our children’s confidence, we need to see how labels can be used in a positive way. 

• A child who is extremely stubborn also can be viewed as persistent. In business, persistence is a great thing.
• Someone who is shy actually might be observing everyone.  If you encourage that child to talk, you could be impressed by her great insights.
• An unpredictable child is flexible. He will be able to adjust easily to circumstances that don’t go his way. When obstacles come across his path, he will find a way around them.
• The daydreamer is exhibiting creativity. It is the people who think out of the box that make the greatest differences in our world. Where would we be without Thomas Edison or the Wright Brother?

These are just a few of the labels we can place on our children. Just as there are two sides to a coin, there are two sides to a label. We shouldn’t let other adults use negative labels on our children. It might be uncomfortable, but we need to tell that adult how great our child is be because of the positive side of that label. Our child might not say a word to us, but we will have just given her the greatest gift: the knowledge that we believe in her and that she will succeed.

Confidence is believing in ourselves: that we can do anything, achieve anything and be anything. 

It is important, because it helps us to try new things, take risks, persist when obstacles appear and find creative ways to solve problems. 

Confident children are able to make decisions and choices without the help of others. They meet challenges head on. Isn’t this what we want for our children? Do we want them to make their own choices? Do we want them to be children who stand up for themselves and others? 

As parents, we play a major role in developing our children’s confidence. It is our reactions that tell them whether we approve or disapprove of them. When we encourage their efforts, not just their successes, we promote their confidence. We teach them that they do not need to fear failure, that they should keep trying, because eventually they will come up with the answers to their problems or the ability to do what they are setting out to do. 

Do our children understand that life is full of ups and downs? Do they know that sometimes they will succeed and sometimes they will fail? Most people don’t see the value of failing or having down times, because if they did, our society would have less need for anti-depressant drugs. We need to teach ourselves and our children that it is OK to make mistakes or even fail sometimes, because we are not perfect. But our mistakes or failures don’t determine who we become – only the outcome. Will we give up, or will we try again? Confident people try again. 

Henry Ford had a great saying: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” We become who we are through our thoughts about what we can or can’t do. As parents, we need to help our children think about what they can do. 

What do you expect your child to become? Study after study verifies that children rise to the expectation of teachers, parents and other adults in their lives. Write down the person you see your child becoming – not what career she will have or how much money she will make, but what characteristics she will have. Think about important characteristics such as honesty, kindness, helpfulness, creativity, leadership, and persistence. Then find opportunities to praise her when she exhibits one of the characteristics: “That was so helpful. I’ll bet you help lots of people when you grow up.”  ”You were the first one to be honest. Honesty will help you as you get older because other people will be able to trust you.” 

Your child wants you to be proud of her. Take the time today to tell her how proud you are. Encourage her that you are proud when she steps out of her comfort zone to try something new.  It doesn’t matter whether she accomplished it – just that she tried.

the impact of their words

My children loved this activity. It helped them understand they can’t take back their words once they were spoken.

Let your children empty a tube of toothpaste onto a plate. (I bought the cheapest kind I could find.)  Have them play with it for a couple of minutes. (They will love it if you play in it as well.) Then ask them to put the toothpaste back into the tube. You can try different objects like a toothpick or spoon to help. Everyone helps clean up if there is a mess.

Were you able to get any of the toothpaste back into the tube?

The toothpaste represents our words. Once they are out of our mouths (the tube), it is impossible to put all of the toothpaste back (taking back what we have said).

Did the toothpaste just stay on the plate or did it go somewhere else?

If the toothpaste got on anything (your child and your fingers), it is just like our words affecting other people in addition to the ones we talked to.

Do the different types of toothpaste taste the same? (If you bought a cheap brand, have them taste some of it and compare it to the one you normally use.) Our words can leave a different taste with our friends depending on what types of words we use.

Questions to ask your child:

What kind of an effect can our words have on other people?

• What type of sweet words did you say today?
• What type of hurtful words did you say today?
• What type of caring words did you say today?

Our words have power in them. We can use our words to make someone feel good or bad. What is something good you can say to your friends or family members today?

As you read this entertaining book, you can talk to your child about:

1. Should we ever give up?
2. Self-talk – what are we telling ourselves?
3. The different emotions we have in our life.

(Please note – When I indent, I am answering questions and sharing insights just as if I were talking to a child.)

Should we ever give up?

Leo was practicing to make his light shine when his friends found him and started to laugh at him. How did Leo react?

    Leo was embarrassed. You can tell he was embarrassed because his knees felt weak and his face got hot.          

Have you ever been embarrassed?

Do you think Leo felt like giving up?

    He was sitting in a dark cave unsure of what to do. Then he heard his mother’s words, “with a little time and practice.” He decided to take charge and practice.

Do you think it was hard to practice in the storm?

    Lightning bugs are small and I bet those raindrops hurt. But he still kept trying until he succeeded even when he was afraid of the lightning.

Self-talk – what are we telling ourselves?

What did Leo tell himself when his mother told him his name meant lion?

What did he tell himself when he was angry?

What did he tell himself when he remembered his mother’s words?

    Our words have power in them. His mother’s words from the night before helped him get out of that dark cave. If we tell ourselves that we cannot do something, or that we are not important, things will happen to prove we are right. But if we tell ourselves we can do it, eventually we will do it. Always remember that you are important to me and I am proud to be your ——.

The different emotions we have in our life.

What were the five different emotions Leo had?

     Everyday we will go through different emotions. We can be happy one minute and sad the next. Remember the next time you are sad it will not be long until you are happy, angry, or even proud. You can choose your emotions and your actions. Why don’t we choose to be happy and do something nice for someone?

Teaching life lessons through stories allows us to share wonderful insights with each other. You will be surprised about the positive impact stories can have on your child’s life. It can be so affirming.

Parents who are looking for ways to improve communication with children, often find help with a feeling chart.  Download one at:

http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/feeling_charts.htm

The chart includes pictures in the style of the happy face, except with enough variations to express dozens of different emotions. Young children do not always know the words to express how they are feeling. With this chart, parents can help children look at the different emotions reflected on the faces and then come to understand what they are feeling.

A great exercise is to ask your child pick out his or her emotions from the chart. Then take it a step further and ask your child to pick out your emotions. Or what emotions did their friend have when they were visiting?  How did their emotions affect your child?  How did your child’s emotions affect their friend?

By doing this activity, you are helping your child in two ways:

1. Giving them the ability to name their emotions 
2. Opening their eyes to people around them, their emotions and the  effect of emotions on other people.

Last year I decided I needed to be more active in helping her reach her goal. I signed us up for a Writing for Children class at the community college. She would only attend if she did not have to read her writing aloud. The teacher was so gracious and she said that she could read when she was ready.

Isabella was 14. I told her that a bunch of old people would not laugh at her when she shared besides if she wants to be an author at some point people would have to read her writing. After a couple of months, she did read her writing. I was so blown away.

Our class turned into a support group. In June, we had a writing assignment to take three objects and write anything that came to mind. Twenty minutes later Isabella had the story Finger like Branches. It has taken almost three months before she allowed others to read her writing. Now I am asking for feedback from everyone I know and do not know. I am on a mission to change the picture she has of herself.

Over the last year, I have been building her self-esteem by

• Taking her to writing class
• Encouraging her every week or two about how great she writes
• Now asking others for impute because she thinks I have to say she is great because I am her mother.

The last year has been so rewarding. I was blessed to spend time with her every week. I was able to talk to her and encourage her. I did something she wanted to do and I have seen tremendous growth in her life. I would not trade it for a million dollars.

Is there a class you can take with your child?

What words of encouragement can you share with your child?

Can you enlist the help of others to share their image of your child with them so they can see themselves as they truly are?

What is the one action step you are going to make today? Leave me a note telling me what it is. It will make you more accountable because you will feel like you have to do it.

What is self-esteem, self-image and self-concept?

• Self-esteem is the feelings we have about ourselves.
• Self-image is the picture we have of ourselves in our mind.
• Self-concept is what we think about ourselves. 

The way to improve our success in life is to improve our thoughts, image and feelings we have for ourselves. If you are reading this blog I am assuming that you are raising children. As adults, we have the power to affect those children’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept. 

The spies had given the report that the land was indeed a land flowing with milk and honey. Caleb said in Numbers 13:30 “We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.”

But the 10 other spies said there were giants there, “We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes” Numbers 13:33.

The image of themselves stopped them from taking what God had given to them. Their image of themselves prevented the whole nation of Israel from entering the promise land.

 Is there something God wants to give you but you are stopping Him because of an image you have in your mind? My image of myself was that I was not good enough. But God has a different image of me. He views me as his daughter (John 1:12) He has a plan for my life (Jer. 29:11) and He loves me just the way I am (Rom. 5:8).

Yesterday morning when I was in bed, I heard a mother screaming at her child, “You split milk all over the place. You f***ing child. What the h*** were you thinking? …. Who gives a f*** if you are sorry”

My heart broke for that child. What kind of self-image do you think he will have? I am in my forties and I have been battling low self-esteem all my life because of my mother.

As parents and caregivers, we do make an impact on our children. What kind of an impact do you want to make?

Ahaziah became King of Judah in 2Chron. 22:3 it says “He too walked in the ways of the house of Ahab, for his mother encouraged him in doing wrong.” I do not want to be remembered for teaching my child to do wrong.

Another example of a parent’s influence, 2 Chron. 26:4 King Uzziah “Did what was right in the eyes of the Lord just like his father Amaziah had done.” What kind of influence are you providing for your children?

Oprah Winfrey’s grandmother saw in Oprah talent for talking. She had her reciting scripture at church before she was in kindergarten. What impact do you think that had on her self-esteem?

Tiger Wood’s dad saw in him a talent for golf. At age 2 he put him in a tournament for boys 10 and under. Tiger won. Just because of where he is today, I believe his parents always supported him.

Bill Gates, mother was in charge of the PTA at his school. She worked to get computers into the school when he was in the 7^th grade. (They were big and expensive back then) In the eighth grade, Bill wrote a manual for a program.

Grandmother, dad or mother we have the power to shape our children’s lives. What will you commit to do today to help your child’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept improve?