This book is about two friends Spottie and Turtle. There are five chapters that cover different aspects of a child’s life.

Self-Assessment

Turtle was good at the gym. But Spottie was not. Turtle didn’t say anything or make fun of his friend. He would just help him when he could.  Turtle didn’t want to hurt Spottie’s feelings. Turtle thought singing to Spottie would lift his feelings but he couldn’t sing. Spottie started to sing and he has a wonderful voice. They realized that it is ok for one to be good at something and the other to be good at something else.  

Teamwork

Chapter two is about working together. Turtle and Spottie are planting a garden. Spottie sings to the plants to see them grow. Turtle sings to scare away the animals that would eat their plants.  They invited their other friends to come over and eat, then they let the other animals have some.

Conflicts/Negotiation

 In chapter three Turtle and Spottie go to the movies.  They put butter on only half of the popbugs. They combine the juices. They sit in the middle row because one likes the front and one likes the back. They chose to have brunch the next day, because one likes and breakfast one likes lunch. They chose to compromise better than demand that their preference was met.

 Self-Assessment

 In chapter four Turtle wanted to do something nice for Spottie. He takes him to a fancy place to eat and they pretend to be posh. When they got the food they almost threw up. The waiter kicks them out, so they go to McMollusks which was like a fast food place they loved. They eat slug nuggets and cricket fries. They decide they need to be who they are and not to be someone else.

 Relationships

 Chapter five Turtle and Spottie decide to take a hike. They hiked so far they didn’t have the strength to get back, so they took turn carrying each other. “It would be hard to carry yourself, but you don’t have to when you have a friend.” (Page 39)

Friendships are so important. They can be a corner stone in our lives. It depends on how we treat them. If we are willing to help, speak kindly and support our friends, we will have much more happiness in our lives.

After they have been able to calm down ask your children to think about the situation:
• What happened?
• What was going on?
• What emotions did they feel?

By asking these questions they will gain knowledge to improve their self-control.

Here is an activity you can do with your children to introduce the concepts of self-control.

Play a game like Operation or Jenga. These games take slow careful movements. You can talk about self-control as you are playing them.

What are the consequences of your moves?
How do you feel when you make the buzzer ring or when it falls down?

Self-control is more than keeping your cool when you are angry. It can also be not complaining about a situation or someone or waiting to get something you really want now, or even choosing not to eat that extra cookie.

Aristotle said, “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”

The greatest victories we can have in our life is over ourselves. Self-control might be hard, but it is possible. Encourage your children to take control over themselves.

Children can learn much through games. It is a fun way to teach children about life without them realizing they are learning while having fun.

Emotional Charades is a game of charades that depicts a wide array of emotions. Start by writing different emotions on pieces of paper cut the paper up and place them in a bowl. Have each person choose a piece of paper with an emotion, then they use their face and body to express that emotion.

This is a great game, because it helps everyone learn how to be more aware of feelings and how to better read people. If a child can look at someone’s body and face and know what they are feeling, that awareness will help them in life. Understanding people is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child, so play Emotional Charades!

The following is a list of emotions to help you to begin thinking and writing. Choose the ones most appropriate to your child’s age:

A teacher was doing a project “to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each student three ribbons imprinted with gold letters which read, ‘Who I Am Makes a Difference’”. They were to honor someone and give them the other ribbons. That person in turn was also to honor someone and pass the last ribbon to them so they could honor someone else.

An executive in town was honored and received a ribbon to honor someone important to him. While driving home he decided to give it to his son. When he sat down and told his son how much he meant to him. His son started to sob uncontrollability. When his son could speak, he said through his tears, “Dad, I was planning on committing suicide tomorrow because I didn’t think you loved me. Now I don’t need to.” 

This man  loved his son but he was too busy, tired, or worn out each day to take the time to tell him so. He expected his son to achieve much because he had achieved much. He probably thought his son knew that he loved him because he had provided a good home, food, and all the extras for him. But what our children need to know and hear from our lips, is that we really care.

What can you say to your children today:

Praise your children for their actions and their choices not just their abilities. If they have made bad choices, let them know that you’ve made bad choices also and that you are there for them. That is how we learn. But that it doesn’t affect how much you love them.

Helice “Sparky” Bridges, has turned this into a movement. Click Here to hear an example of a blue ribbon ceremony on The WIN.

Sparky’s goal is to inspire children to live their dreams. Our goal is to help you to inspire your children to be all that they can be.

When your child chooses to make goals, she is choosing to be successful. At first, making goals may appear to be a huge task. But making goals leads to smarter choices. Those choices will lead to smarter actions. These actions will lead to a successful life. There is no way to get around it; goals lead to success.

To explain goals to your child, log on to Yahoo Maps. Type in your address (Point A), then type in an address of a friend who lives in the same town (Point B), and print the map.

As you look at the map, you have several things to discuss with your child.  Is the map clear? Can you see a way to get from point A to point B? Or is it fuzzy? You need to have a clear picture of your goals, or you will never achieve them. It also is helpful if you can picture the end result, just as you can see point B on the map. 

Let’s look at the word MAP as an acronym to help us set our goals:

• Measurable – Can you measure how to get from your house to your friend’s house?
• Accomplishable – Is it something you can accomplish?
• Purposeful – Is going to your friend’s house something you want to do? 

As you help your child to set goals, help your child find the four elements. Goals should be something she can see, measure, accomplish and want to do.  Below are five areas in which most people set goals. Pick one of the areas of focus for a month. Then add a different goal every month.

Areas to focus on for making goals

• Family – Do you need more patience in dealing with a family member?
• School – Do you want to improve performance in a subject?
• Personal – Do you have something to improve in your life?
• Community – Is there someone you can help?
• Spiritual – Is there a scripture to memorize or a trip to take 

Here are examples from each area:

• Family – I will allow my younger brother to play with my friends and me five times this month.
• School – I will study five spelling words every school day.
• Personal – I will practice the piano four times a week for a half hour.
• Community – I will help an older person once a week.
• Spiritual – I will memorize a verse a week.

Are these goals clear? Do they state something your child can accomplish? Are they measurable (five times, four times, once weekly)? Is this something your child wants to do?

 As a parent, you can help your child to achieve her goals. If she has tried to accomplish too much, cut the number down. It is more important to re-evaluate and make a new goal achievable rather than stick to the old impossible goal. Setting goals might seem difficult, but the rewards are worth the effort.

“Mom, I miss Ashton,” Isabella said as she slumped in the chair. “I want to visit her.”

“It will cost at least  $500 for the airplane ticket.”

A light shone in her eyes. “What if I pay for half the ticket. Could I go then?”

“If you can find the money for half the ticket, I’m sure I can find the money for the other half,” I replied. But I was thinking it would take a couple of years for a six-year-old to save $250.

Nonetheless, Isabella decided that she would visit Ashton in 10 months. For her birthday and Christmas, she asked for money that she could put toward her trip instead of presents.

She looked for opportunities.  Every time she entered a car she would scan the floor of the back seat. If she found a quarter, she would ask, “Can I have this quarter I found on the floor? I’m saving to visit my best friend in Arkansas.” The drivers wouldn’t even know a quarter was on the floor. They all replied, “Yes.”

In six months, Isabella had saved her half of the airplane ticket. She has set a seemingly impossible goal for a seven-year-old, but she accomplished it.

Goal Setting Steps

Here were her steps, and they can be yours, whatever your age and goal:

1. Setting a goal – To visit her best friend.
2. Problem-solving – She came up with the idea to split the cost with her mother.
3. Making a plan – To save all of her money.
4. Commitment -  She didn’t spending her money on candy or toys but she saved it for an airplane ticket.
5. Focus – She knew what she wanted, and she didn’t let anything stop her from achieving her goal.
6. Persistence – She kept asking for help. People wanted to help her realize her goal.
7. Achievement – She realized her dream at the age of seven when she walked on the airplane all by herself to visit her best friend. 

What is a goal your child wants to achieve? Sit down and follow these simple steps to help him/her set a goal and achieve it. You will be surprised what your child can do.

After your have set a goal have your child make a comment. Then as he/she accomplishes steps, have them make more comments. It will help them be accountable and it will be fun for them to see their comments on the web.

A new children’s book written by Dr. Wayne Dyer and Kristina Tracy offers valuable opportunities for parents to talk to children about goals.  No Excuses! How What You Say Can Get In Your Way points out excuses we make that stop us from achieving our dreams.

In the book, a young boy wants to be a marine biologist specializing in sea turtles. But the adults around him discourage him. His teacher tells him that you have to be smart in science, and science is not his best subject. A salesperson tells him that it will take a long time to become a marine biologist. His mother tells him that they cannot pay for college. And his grandfather tells him his dad will be disappointed because being a farmer runs in the family. 

He lets these opinions steal his dream. As the boy is telling Dr. Toruga, a marine biologist he met, why he can’t be a marine biologist, she tells him that those are all excuses he has chosen to believe. No one but he can know if they are true or not, and he will only know when he tries. He could be anything he wants to be if he doesn’t let excuses stop him.

The boy decides to believe that he can be a marine biologist.  He believes he is smart enough to get good grades. He works, saves for college and makes his dream come true. 

Questions to discuss with your child: 

• What is your dream?
• What is the difference between dreams and goals?
• What are some excuses that can stop you from reaching your dreams?
• What did the boy decide to believe?
• What did he do to become smarter?
• Just because something takes a long time to do, does it mean you shouldn’t do it? Why or why not?
• What did the boy decide to do about his parents not having the money for college?
• We never know if his dad was disappointed; what do you think?
• What choices did the boy made?
• Do you have any excuses stopping you from reaching your dreams?
• What choices can you make toward fulfilling your dreams?

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.” Napoleon Hill

To order this book Click Here

In previous blogs, we have discussed helping our children:

• Build their confidence by doing things they are afraid of
• Learn they are not failures if they don’t accomplish a task the first time
• Grow into a positive characteristic that you expect them to have 

We now want to touch on the labels we place on our children. Children will grow up believing the labels that you or other adults put on them. Many labels can be viewed in either a negative or positive way. It always seems easier to look at the negative, but since we want to build our children’s confidence, we need to see how labels can be used in a positive way. 

• A child who is extremely stubborn also can be viewed as persistent. In business, persistence is a great thing.
• Someone who is shy actually might be observing everyone.  If you encourage that child to talk, you could be impressed by her great insights.
• An unpredictable child is flexible. He will be able to adjust easily to circumstances that don’t go his way. When obstacles come across his path, he will find a way around them.
• The daydreamer is exhibiting creativity. It is the people who think out of the box that make the greatest differences in our world. Where would we be without Thomas Edison or the Wright Brother?

These are just a few of the labels we can place on our children. Just as there are two sides to a coin, there are two sides to a label. We shouldn’t let other adults use negative labels on our children. It might be uncomfortable, but we need to tell that adult how great our child is be because of the positive side of that label. Our child might not say a word to us, but we will have just given her the greatest gift: the knowledge that we believe in her and that she will succeed.

Confidence is believing in ourselves: that we can do anything, achieve anything and be anything. 

It is important, because it helps us to try new things, take risks, persist when obstacles appear and find creative ways to solve problems. 

Confident children are able to make decisions and choices without the help of others. They meet challenges head on. Isn’t this what we want for our children? Do we want them to make their own choices? Do we want them to be children who stand up for themselves and others? 

As parents, we play a major role in developing our children’s confidence. It is our reactions that tell them whether we approve or disapprove of them. When we encourage their efforts, not just their successes, we promote their confidence. We teach them that they do not need to fear failure, that they should keep trying, because eventually they will come up with the answers to their problems or the ability to do what they are setting out to do. 

Do our children understand that life is full of ups and downs? Do they know that sometimes they will succeed and sometimes they will fail? Most people don’t see the value of failing or having down times, because if they did, our society would have less need for anti-depressant drugs. We need to teach ourselves and our children that it is OK to make mistakes or even fail sometimes, because we are not perfect. But our mistakes or failures don’t determine who we become – only the outcome. Will we give up, or will we try again? Confident people try again. 

Henry Ford had a great saying: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” We become who we are through our thoughts about what we can or can’t do. As parents, we need to help our children think about what they can do. 

What do you expect your child to become? Study after study verifies that children rise to the expectation of teachers, parents and other adults in their lives. Write down the person you see your child becoming – not what career she will have or how much money she will make, but what characteristics she will have. Think about important characteristics such as honesty, kindness, helpfulness, creativity, leadership, and persistence. Then find opportunities to praise her when she exhibits one of the characteristics: “That was so helpful. I’ll bet you help lots of people when you grow up.”  ”You were the first one to be honest. Honesty will help you as you get older because other people will be able to trust you.” 

Your child wants you to be proud of her. Take the time today to tell her how proud you are. Encourage her that you are proud when she steps out of her comfort zone to try something new.  It doesn’t matter whether she accomplished it – just that she tried.

 Last year I decided I needed to be more active in helping her reach her goal. I signed us up for a Writing for Children class at the community college. She would only attend if she did not have to read her writing aloud. The teacher was so gracious and she said that she could read when she was ready.

Isabella was 14. I told her that a bunch of old people would not laugh at her when she shared besides if she wants to be an author at some point people would have to read her writing. After a couple of months, she did read her writing. I was blown away, she was good.

 Our class turned into a support group. In June, we had a writing assignment to take three objects and write anything that came to mind. Twenty minutes later Isabella had the story Finger like Branches. It has taken almost three months before she allowed others to read her writing. Now I am asking for feedback from everyone I know and do not know. I am on a mission to change the picture she has of herself.

Over the last year, I have been building her self-esteem by

• Taking her to writing class
• Encouraging her every week or two about how great she writes
• Now asking others for input because she thinks I have to say she is great because I am her mother.

The last year has been so rewarding. I was blessed to spend time with her every week. I was able to talk to her and encourage her. I did something she wanted to do and I have seen tremendous growth in her life. I would not trade it for a million dollars.

•  Is there a class you can take with your child?
• What words of encouragement can you share with your child?
• Can you enlist the help of others to share their image of your child with them so they can see themselves as they truly are?

What is the one action step you are going to make today? Leave me a note telling me what it is. It will make you more accountable because you will feel like you have to do it.