A teacher was doing a project “to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each student three ribbons imprinted with gold letters which read, ‘Who I Am Makes a Difference’”. They were to honor someone and give them the other ribbons. That person in turn was also to honor someone and pass the last ribbon to them so they could honor someone else.

An executive in town was honored and received a ribbon to honor someone important to him. While driving home he decided to give it to his son. When he sat down and told his son how much he meant to him. His son started to sob uncontrollability. When his son could speak, he said through his tears, “Dad, I was planning on committing suicide tomorrow because I didn’t think you loved me. Now I don’t need to.” 

This man  loved his son but he was too busy, tired, or worn out each day to take the time to tell him so. He expected his son to achieve much because he had achieved much. He probably thought his son knew that he loved him because he had provided a good home, food, and all the extras for him. But what our children need to know and hear from our lips, is that we really care.

What can you say to your children today:

Praise your children for their actions and their choices not just their abilities. If they have made bad choices, let them know that you’ve made bad choices also and that you are there for them. That is how we learn. But that it doesn’t affect how much you love them.

Helice “Sparky” Bridges, has turned this into a movement. Click Here to hear an example of a blue ribbon ceremony on The WIN.

Sparky’s goal is to inspire children to live their dreams. Our goal is to help you to inspire your children to be all that they can be.

Confidence is believing in ourselves: that we can do anything, achieve anything and be anything. 

It is important, because it helps us to try new things, take risks, persist when obstacles appear and find creative ways to solve problems. 

Confident children are able to make decisions and choices without the help of others. They meet challenges head on. Isn’t this what we want for our children? Do we want them to make their own choices? Do we want them to be children who stand up for themselves and others? 

As parents, we play a major role in developing our children’s confidence. It is our reactions that tell them whether we approve or disapprove of them. When we encourage their efforts, not just their successes, we promote their confidence. We teach them that they do not need to fear failure, that they should keep trying, because eventually they will come up with the answers to their problems or the ability to do what they are setting out to do. 

Do our children understand that life is full of ups and downs? Do they know that sometimes they will succeed and sometimes they will fail? Most people don’t see the value of failing or having down times, because if they did, our society would have less need for anti-depressant drugs. We need to teach ourselves and our children that it is OK to make mistakes or even fail sometimes, because we are not perfect. But our mistakes or failures don’t determine who we become – only the outcome. Will we give up, or will we try again? Confident people try again. 

Henry Ford had a great saying: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” We become who we are through our thoughts about what we can or can’t do. As parents, we need to help our children think about what they can do. 

What do you expect your child to become? Study after study verifies that children rise to the expectation of teachers, parents and other adults in their lives. Write down the person you see your child becoming – not what career she will have or how much money she will make, but what characteristics she will have. Think about important characteristics such as honesty, kindness, helpfulness, creativity, leadership, and persistence. Then find opportunities to praise her when she exhibits one of the characteristics: “That was so helpful. I’ll bet you help lots of people when you grow up.”  ”You were the first one to be honest. Honesty will help you as you get older because other people will be able to trust you.” 

Your child wants you to be proud of her. Take the time today to tell her how proud you are. Encourage her that you are proud when she steps out of her comfort zone to try something new.  It doesn’t matter whether she accomplished it – just that she tried.

Activity: The Power of Our Words

My children loved this activity. It helped them understand they can’t take back their words once they were spoken.

Let your children empty a tube of toothpaste onto a plate. (I bought the cheapest kind I could find.)  Have them play with it for a couple of minutes. (They will love it if you play in it as well.) Then ask them to put the toothpaste back into the tube. You can try different objects like a toothpick or spoon to help. Everyone helps clean up if there is a mess.

Were you able to get any of the toothpaste back into the tube?

The toothpaste represents our words. Once they are out of our mouths (the tube), it is impossible to put all of the toothpaste back (taking back what we have said).

Did the toothpaste just stay on the plate or did it go somewhere else?

If the toothpaste got on anything (your child and your fingers), it is just like our words affecting other people in addition to the ones we talked to.

Do the different types of toothpaste taste the same? (If you bought a cheap brand, have them taste some of it and compare it to the one you normally use.) Our words can leave a different taste with our friends depending on what types of words we use.

Questions to ask your child:

What kind of an effect can our words have on other people?

• What type of sweet words did you say today?
• What type of hurtful words did you say today?
• What type of caring words did you say today?

Our words have power in them. We can use our words to make someone feel good or bad. What is something good you can say to your friends or family members today?

• Self-esteem is the feelings we have about ourselves.
• Self-image is the picture we have of ourselves in our mind.
• Self-concept is what we think about ourselves.

 The way to improve our success in life is to improve our thoughts, image and feelings.  As adults, we have the power to affect those children’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept.

 Yesterday morning when I was in bed, I heard a mother screaming at her child, “You split milk all over the place. You f***ing child. What the h*** were you thinking? …. Who gives a f*** if you are sorry”

My heart broke for that child. What kind of self-image do you think he will have? As parents and caregivers, we do make an impact on our children. What kind of an impact do you want to make?

 Oprah Winfrey’s grandmother saw in Oprah talent for talking. She had her reciting scripture at church before she was in kindergarten.

Tiger Wood’s dad saw in him a talent for golf. At age 2 he put him in a tournament for boys 10 and under. Tiger won.

Bill Gates, mother was part of the Lake Side Mother’s Club that raised money to get a computer at his school in 1967. Bill was in the 7^th grade. In the 8th grade, he was paid to be a computer  programmer.

Grandmother, dad or mother we have the power to shape our children’s lives. What will you commit to do today to help your child’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept improve?

• Increased knowledge
• Larger vocabulary
• Insights into other lands, cultures, people
• Success in school
• More creativity
• Relaxation
• Mental escape

Are there mental and emotional benefits gained from reading? What about the long term benefits for your relationship with your children? These things are harder to measure but have a lasting impact.

Taking a child in your arms as you read reassures them of your love. Researchers have found orphans that are not held will die. Their emotional need was not met. That need never goes away. Holding or cuddling your child as you read to them meets that emotional need in both of you.

Psychologists that work with traumatized children give them dolls to play with to work out their emotions. If object can be a tool to release emotions, can objects be a tool to teach emotions?

A book is an object when used properly, can transform a child’s life. It is the same principle the psychologist have been using for years. You take an object that has no meaning and you use it to release good emotions.

Publishers who realize this, are starting to offer a study guide to go with their books. The Hidden Swan built a study guide into the book. The parent doesn’t have to do any extra research to see if there is a study guide. Plus The Hidden Swan offers insights any parent can use to teach their children values. And with the study guide as part of the book, you never lose or misplace it.

Next time you sit with your child and read your favorite book, let me know what lesson you would like your child to gain and I will help you come up with questions and insights. Reading is a powerful tool and can help us as parents building strong, healthy minds in our children.

To order The Hidden Swan Click Here