People with high self control don’t react to someone else’s emotions. They are able to think clearly and stay focused under pressure. No one can control the events or the people surrounding them, but they can control their own emotions and actions.

How do you have self-control?

1. By choosing what you think about. What feelings are your thoughts producing? Those feelings will dictate what you do or don’t do, so be careful about what you dwell on.

2. Don’t let your feelings get the best of you. If you know you are feeling upset with someone or you are craving something you know you shouldn’t have, do something to get your mind off the situation; listen to music, exercise, or read. If you find yourself dwelling on those feelings again pick up on the activity again. (It may take several times before you are able to conquer your feelings but you can do it.)

3. Take deep breaths. This can help you calm down if you feel like you are loosing it.

4. Repeat the above over and over again until you know you have self-control. This is where perseverance comes it. It won’t be better the first time you try to have control but like everything else you will be able to control yourself better and faster with practice.

Once you have practiced self-control, you are now able to teach it to your children.

As we have learned about the different types of Multiple intelligences and what children excel in, there are also three different ways children can learn; visual, auditory and Kinesthetic.

VISUAL LEARNERS (cover approximately 65% of the population). This type of learner is best at collecting information with their eyes.  They usually prefer graphics, illustrations and charts. They are able to remember details and ideas in picture form, typically what they’ve seen before.  

AUDITORY LEARNERS (are approximately 30% of the population). This type of learner is best at collecting information with their ears and they usually think out loud.  This includes listening and talking.  Although easily distracted, auditory learners learn by memorizing sound.  For instance, they learn instructions by repeating them over and over again, even in silent form.  They often like background music to block out interrupting noises.

KINESTHETIC LEARNERS (are approximately 5% of the population). This type of learner is best at collecting meaning through touch and movement.  Kinesthetic learners learn through physical interaction; most are young children. In essence, touching is a way of seeing. 

Now that you know what your children’s intelligence is and their learning style, you can help them excel in their gifts and talents.

Picasso said, “My mother said to me, If you become a soldier, you will be a general; If you become a monk you’ll end up as Pope.” Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso. 

Picasso’s mother gave him the ability to believe that what ever he did he would become great at it.

You can give your child the same gift.

It is so important to know which area your children excel at so you can help them to develop their skills. By doing this you are helping them to recognize their natural abilities which will enable them to know what career will be good for them. Then when they will be able to choose a job that they will enjoy and energize them so it won’t seem like work. 

The first intelligence for today is musical intelligence.  These children enjoy singing, playing an instrument, and a variety of music. They sometimes use their body to make music.  Jobs they like are; musicians, DJ’s, jingle writer, singers, sound engineer or composer.

Another intelligence, is termed people intelligence. These children makes friends easily, prefer team sports over individual sports. People come to them for help. They like to organize activities, enjoy parties versus staying home and they are comfortable in a crowds. Jobs they excel at are; a counselor, coach, psychologist, talk-show host, business leader, office manager, nurse, police officer, teacher, waitress, travel agent or social worker.

The next one is self intelligence. These children are sometimes classified as shy. They enjoy being by themselves versus a group of people. They write goals, meditate and keep a journal. These children don’t care about what others think because they are strong-willed. They spend time reflecting on their life and are interested in religion or psychology and typically have deep wisdom and/or intuitiveness. The jobs they are interested in are; writers, entrepreneurs, religious worker, psychologist, personal life coach, guidance counselor, personal trainer, artist, detective, or poet.

The last intelligence we will discuss is nature intelligence. These children love doing things that relate to animals and outdoors activities. They enjoy going to parks, hikes and zoos. They care about the environment and like to grow things and they enjoy gardening. The jobs they like are; forest rangers, farmers, rancher, fishing, ecologist, environmentalist, inspectors, volcanologist, veterinarians, marine biologist, zoo keepers, pet trainers and pet babysitters. 

This information is designed to give you just a little bit of information. There are lots of books available that go deeper into each type of intelligence. I suggest you get some of them and learn how to increase your children’s intelligence in the area they have natural abilities in. This way they will be happy and successful in their lives.

Enjoy your children.

There are eight different kinds of intelligences. Schools offer courses in five of them but in reality they only focus on three; word, logic and body. 

We are going to look at each intelligence. It is important to know which intelligence your children excels at so you can help develop their skill in that area. It is important because they will have the ability to be excellent at the job they choose, plus it will energize them while they are working since it won’t seem like work because they will enjoy it.

There is a proverb that says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

I once heard a teaching that train up a child could mean training a child in they way they are bent. The way they naturally do things, the way that works with their natural abilities. If you don’t know what they are, it will be difficult to help them. Observe them and over time you will discover their “bent”.

The four intelligences we are going to look at today are; word, logical, body and visual. 

Children who are high in word intelligence excel in reading, writing, and speaking. They are great writers, spellers, debating and have an ability to learn languages easily. These children will excel in jobs such as; advertising, journalism, attorneys, editors, authors, or politicians.

Children who are high in logical intelligence have the ability to understand numbers, math concepts, finding patterns, and cause and effect in science. The jobs they will like are; scientist, engineer, computer programmer, accountant, technical writer, loan officer, or mortgage broker.

Children who excel in body intelligence are children who are athletes, actors and theater performers. The Jobs they are good at are; athletes, actors, choreographers, magicians, stunt person and surgeons.

This next intelligence you will see in high schools it is visual intelligence. They are the artist in the schools. Good jobs for the visual intelligence are; architects, artists, mechanics, engineers, city planners, fashion designer, animator, illustrator, graphic artist, interior designer, landscape designer, director, photographer, web designer.

Come back next week and we will discuss the other four intelligences.

Enjoy your children.

When you child knows their strengths and weaknesses they will be able to succeed because they can focus on what they love. When anyone focuses on what they enjoy doing they can easily accomplish more because it doesn’t seem like work to them. They are energized by doing it instead of the I’m doing this because I have to.

Everyone has a weakness and that’s ok. If we focus on doing what we are strong at and let others do things we are weak at, we will get much more accomplished.

This is where team work comes in. Not everyone can do everything.

I have two daughters. One is very outgoing, with People Intelligence, the other is shy but, is very intelligent in the written Word.

Over the years they have both wished to be like the other. I have told them both “your sister is able to do some things you can’t and you also can do things that she can’t. You have your own special gifts and talents. That is your strength. That is what makes you unique. Don’t worry if you can’t be like her. You are special and you will succeed in different areas.”

 They finally stopped comparing themselves to each other. I also believe that they won’t compare themselves to other people because they know that they are special and have something to give to this world.

I believe that communicating this to your children is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. For them to acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses, allows them to realize that they are wonderful just the way they are.

As parents we need to choose to say uplifting things to our children and not let their bad actions dictate what we say.

In all the above stages there can be attitudes, good or bad, disrespect, testing and/or fighting. There can also be harsh words as your children are getting older and are able to talking back. Before you react, think and ask yourself, is this moment in time what my child is really like? Is reality the monster you see before you or is reality your sweet and wonderful child you know and love?

As parents we need to name it for what it is, caring, thoughtful, helpful, good student, athletic, creative etc. If your child is a pre-teen or teen tell them that they are just going through a hormone change and that deep inside you know they really didn’t mean what they just said. You know what is inside your child and that this is just a phase that they will out-grow. They are able to realize that it is just their body changing and it really doesn’t have anything to do with who they really are as a person. Everyone wants to feel important. We want to feel like we matter to someone.

The same is true for your children, so let them know. Click Here and in step 3 make a card for them. Most children love to see themselves in print. Find a picture of your children doing what they are best at; playing a sport or instrument, writing or drawing, helping others, then make a card with your child on the front cover. Inside tell your child how important they are to you and how proud you are of them. It will make a positive impact on their life.

Confidence is believing in ourselves: that we can do anything, achieve anything and be anything. 

It is important, because it helps us to try new things, take risks, persist when obstacles appear and find creative ways to solve problems. 

Confident children are able to make decisions and choices without the help of others. They meet challenges head on. Isn’t this what we want for our children? Do we want them to make their own choices? Do we want them to be children who stand up for themselves and others? 

As parents, we play a major role in developing our children’s confidence. It is our reactions that tell them whether we approve or disapprove of them. When we encourage their efforts, not just their successes, we promote their confidence. We teach them that they do not need to fear failure, that they should keep trying, because eventually they will come up with the answers to their problems or the ability to do what they are setting out to do. 

Do our children understand that life is full of ups and downs? Do they know that sometimes they will succeed and sometimes they will fail? Most people don’t see the value of failing or having down times, because if they did, our society would have less need for anti-depressant drugs. We need to teach ourselves and our children that it is OK to make mistakes or even fail sometimes, because we are not perfect. But our mistakes or failures don’t determine who we become – only the outcome. Will we give up, or will we try again? Confident people try again. 

Henry Ford had a great saying: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” We become who we are through our thoughts about what we can or can’t do. As parents, we need to help our children think about what they can do. 

What do you expect your child to become? Study after study verifies that children rise to the expectation of teachers, parents and other adults in their lives. Write down the person you see your child becoming – not what career she will have or how much money she will make, but what characteristics she will have. Think about important characteristics such as honesty, kindness, helpfulness, creativity, leadership, and persistence. Then find opportunities to praise her when she exhibits one of the characteristics: “That was so helpful. I’ll bet you help lots of people when you grow up.”  ”You were the first one to be honest. Honesty will help you as you get older because other people will be able to trust you.” 

Your child wants you to be proud of her. Take the time today to tell her how proud you are. Encourage her that you are proud when she steps out of her comfort zone to try something new.  It doesn’t matter whether she accomplished it – just that she tried.

 Last year I decided I needed to be more active in helping her reach her goal. I signed us up for a Writing for Children class at the community college. She would only attend if she did not have to read her writing aloud. The teacher was so gracious and she said that she could read when she was ready.

Isabella was 14. I told her that a bunch of old people would not laugh at her when she shared besides if she wants to be an author at some point people would have to read her writing. After a couple of months, she did read her writing. I was blown away, she was good.

 Our class turned into a support group. In June, we had a writing assignment to take three objects and write anything that came to mind. Twenty minutes later Isabella had the story Finger like Branches. It has taken almost three months before she allowed others to read her writing. Now I am asking for feedback from everyone I know and do not know. I am on a mission to change the picture she has of herself.

Over the last year, I have been building her self-esteem by

• Taking her to writing class
• Encouraging her every week or two about how great she writes
• Now asking others for input because she thinks I have to say she is great because I am her mother.

The last year has been so rewarding. I was blessed to spend time with her every week. I was able to talk to her and encourage her. I did something she wanted to do and I have seen tremendous growth in her life. I would not trade it for a million dollars.

•  Is there a class you can take with your child?
• What words of encouragement can you share with your child?
• Can you enlist the help of others to share their image of your child with them so they can see themselves as they truly are?

What is the one action step you are going to make today? Leave me a note telling me what it is. It will make you more accountable because you will feel like you have to do it.

• Self-esteem is the feelings we have about ourselves.
• Self-image is the picture we have of ourselves in our mind.
• Self-concept is what we think about ourselves.

 The way to improve our success in life is to improve our thoughts, image and feelings.  As adults, we have the power to affect those children’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept.

 Yesterday morning when I was in bed, I heard a mother screaming at her child, “You split milk all over the place. You f***ing child. What the h*** were you thinking? …. Who gives a f*** if you are sorry”

My heart broke for that child. What kind of self-image do you think he will have? As parents and caregivers, we do make an impact on our children. What kind of an impact do you want to make?

 Oprah Winfrey’s grandmother saw in Oprah talent for talking. She had her reciting scripture at church before she was in kindergarten.

Tiger Wood’s dad saw in him a talent for golf. At age 2 he put him in a tournament for boys 10 and under. Tiger won.

Bill Gates, mother was part of the Lake Side Mother’s Club that raised money to get a computer at his school in 1967. Bill was in the 7^th grade. In the 8th grade, he was paid to be a computer  programmer.

Grandmother, dad or mother we have the power to shape our children’s lives. What will you commit to do today to help your child’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept improve?

Discouraged he walks off and meets a weasel who encourages him to try different sounds with his trumpet. Then he had him look inside to find his voice. Ellison closed his eyes and concentrated hard and the sound that came out was beautiful.

All the elephants came to see who made that wonderful music. Even the elephants that teased him before wanted Ellison to teach them how to make that beautiful music.

As you read this wonderful book, you can talk to your child about several different things:
1. It is ok to be different
2. Everyone needs to be encouraged
3. Look inside yourself to find your music
4. Forgive past hurts and help those who have teased you

(Please note- When I indent, I am answering questions and sharing insights just as if I was talking to a child.)

It is ok to be different
What did all the great elephants in history have in common?
They were different and that is what made them great.
What can you do that is different from others?
How did the other elephants treat Ellison because he was different?
He was teased and made fun of. Ellison had his feelings hurt. So he went to a place to be all alone. It was in that place he discovered his voice. He discovered what he was good at. Good things can come out of being alone.

Everyone needs to be encouraged
Ellison needed Weasel to help him find his gift. No one makes it to the top by him or herself. We all need people to help us.
Who is helping you?
Who are you helping?

Look inside yourself to find your music
Gloria and Mumble looked inside to find their heart song in Happy Feet. Everyone has something to give this world. We just have to look inside of ourselves to find out what it is.
What is your music?
What makes you special?

Forgive past hurts and help those who have teased you
We will all be hurt at some point in life. That is part of growing up. But what are you going to do with hose hurts? Are you going to let them weigh you down so you can’t share your music with others or are you going to forgive them and move on in life?
Who in your life has hurt you?
Have you forgiven them?
How can you forgive them?

It is ok to be different. That is how you become great. The music inside of you will compel you into greatness if you listen to it. You are doing something that no one else is doing. Reach out and help someone. You will be so glad you did. And offer forgiveness to those who hurt you even if they don’t accept it. You will be able to live in more peace.

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