When John Gray wrote Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, it was the first time when realized that men and woman communicate differently.

Does that difference in our communication affect the way we communicate with our children?

If a mother says something, does her son interpret it differently than what she meant? Does a son do things that the mother interprets differently than what he meant?

If this can happen between adults, do you think might be happening between parents and children?

Boys act a lot like a pack of wolves. For instance, in the military there is one alpha male in charge and everyone does what he says. In each unit there is another alpha dog and the pack does what he says. It is instinctive. As a mother you are the alpha dog. You are the pack leader. Boys will bow their heads down in respect. They will not look at you in the eyes but because that would mean they are challenging your authority. They don’t want to do that.

What happens when you are on your on your period? Does your body cause you to act differently? Are you in control or do you act instinctively?

If you have moments of acting instinctively, do you think that could happen to your son too? Do you think that the reason he doesn’t look you in the face in moments of conflict could be an instinct thing and not a dishonoring thing? Do you think that maybe his instincts are telling him that if he looks you in the face he will be challenging you, so he looks down to show you respect?

If men can’t understand women, wouldn’t it make sense that boys don’t understand them either? Next time your son wont look you in the face remember this blog and that he is instinctively showing you honor.

 Last year I decided I needed to be more active in helping her reach her goal. I signed us up for a Writing for Children class at the community college. She would only attend if she did not have to read her writing aloud. The teacher was so gracious and she said that she could read when she was ready.

Isabella was 14. I told her that a bunch of old people would not laugh at her when she shared besides if she wants to be an author at some point people would have to read her writing. After a couple of months, she did read her writing. I was blown away, she was good.

 Our class turned into a support group. In June, we had a writing assignment to take three objects and write anything that came to mind. Twenty minutes later Isabella had the story Finger like Branches. It has taken almost three months before she allowed others to read her writing. Now I am asking for feedback from everyone I know and do not know. I am on a mission to change the picture she has of herself.

Over the last year, I have been building her self-esteem by

• Taking her to writing class
• Encouraging her every week or two about how great she writes
• Now asking others for input because she thinks I have to say she is great because I am her mother.

The last year has been so rewarding. I was blessed to spend time with her every week. I was able to talk to her and encourage her. I did something she wanted to do and I have seen tremendous growth in her life. I would not trade it for a million dollars.

•  Is there a class you can take with your child?
• What words of encouragement can you share with your child?
• Can you enlist the help of others to share their image of your child with them so they can see themselves as they truly are?

What is the one action step you are going to make today? Leave me a note telling me what it is. It will make you more accountable because you will feel like you have to do it.

• Self-esteem is the feelings we have about ourselves.
• Self-image is the picture we have of ourselves in our mind.
• Self-concept is what we think about ourselves.

 The way to improve our success in life is to improve our thoughts, image and feelings.  As adults, we have the power to affect those children’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept.

 Yesterday morning when I was in bed, I heard a mother screaming at her child, “You split milk all over the place. You f***ing child. What the h*** were you thinking? …. Who gives a f*** if you are sorry”

My heart broke for that child. What kind of self-image do you think he will have? As parents and caregivers, we do make an impact on our children. What kind of an impact do you want to make?

 Oprah Winfrey’s grandmother saw in Oprah talent for talking. She had her reciting scripture at church before she was in kindergarten.

Tiger Wood’s dad saw in him a talent for golf. At age 2 he put him in a tournament for boys 10 and under. Tiger won.

Bill Gates, mother was part of the Lake Side Mother’s Club that raised money to get a computer at his school in 1967. Bill was in the 7^th grade. In the 8th grade, he was paid to be a computer  programmer.

Grandmother, dad or mother we have the power to shape our children’s lives. What will you commit to do today to help your child’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept improve?