Children can learn much through games. It is a fun way to teach children about life without them realizing they are learning while having fun.

Emotional Charades is a game of charades that depicts a wide array of emotions. Start by writing different emotions on pieces of paper cut the paper up and place them in a bowl. Have each person choose a piece of paper with an emotion, then they use their face and body to express that emotion.

This is a great game, because it helps everyone learn how to be more aware of feelings and how to better read people. If a child can look at someone’s body and face and know what they are feeling, that awareness will help them in life. Understanding people is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child, so play Emotional Charades!

The following is a list of emotions to help you to begin thinking and writing. Choose the ones most appropriate to your child’s age:

As parents we need to choose to say uplifting things to our children and not let their bad actions dictate what we say.

In all the above stages there can be attitudes, good or bad, disrespect, testing and/or fighting. There can also be harsh words as your children are getting older and are able to talking back. Before you react, think and ask yourself, is this moment in time what my child is really like? Is reality the monster you see before you or is reality your sweet and wonderful child you know and love?

As parents we need to name it for what it is, caring, thoughtful, helpful, good student, athletic, creative etc. If your child is a pre-teen or teen tell them that they are just going through a hormone change and that deep inside you know they really didn’t mean what they just said. You know what is inside your child and that this is just a phase that they will out-grow. They are able to realize that it is just their body changing and it really doesn’t have anything to do with who they really are as a person. Everyone wants to feel important. We want to feel like we matter to someone.

The same is true for your children, so let them know. Click Here and in step 3 make a card for them. Most children love to see themselves in print. Find a picture of your children doing what they are best at; playing a sport or instrument, writing or drawing, helping others, then make a card with your child on the front cover. Inside tell your child how important they are to you and how proud you are of them. It will make a positive impact on their life.

There are some people that are just gifted in this area and there are some of us who have to work in this area. If you have to work at reading people, you can get better at it by practicing. If you help your child learn how to read other people’s emotions, your child will have a very important tool they need to be successful.

This video is part of a series on how to teach children about different emotions. We are reviewing a children’s book named Patty Cat by Barbara deRubertis. This book is widely available. It is well written it covers several emotions and there are two key elements of Emotional Intelligence you can discuss with your child; how to treat others and how to problem solve.

Take some time today to study someone’s emotions with your child. You can observe people in a park, a mall or a coffee shop.

• Do they look happy or sad?
• How can you tell by their face?
• How can you tell by their body language?

Make it fun. Make up stories about the person and what is happening in their life. This will increase their creativity. You can start the story and your child adds a part then you add something etc.

Let me know how it went. If you can help your child to learn how to read other people’s emotions it will be one of the greatest gifts you can give them.

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Children can lose the ability to empathize with others for several reasons: 

1. If a child cries and if their needs are met, they realize that someone is there for them. This experience over time, gives them the capacity to express empathy to others. If a child’s needs aren’t met, they can become anxious and begin to think only of themselves and may develop undesirable traits. When their emotional needs are unmet, how can they meet someone else’s emotional needs? 

2. Children model what they see. If children observe their parents lack of showing empathy to others, how can they develop the ability to show empathy? By modeling empathic behavior and pointing out situations that call for empathy you can generate empathetic responses in your children. For example, if you are driving down a lonely highway and just passed a car with its hood up and shortly thereafter notice someone walking down the road with a gas can in their hand, what you do tells your child a lot about your attitude regarding empathy. Do you stop and help them or just continue onto your destination without giving any thought to helping?  What will your child remember from your actions?

3. When you do something for someone, tell your children about it and explain to them why you did it and how it made you feel. These are excellent opportunities to ask your child if what you did made a difference.  Ask them “Do you think what I did will be returned to me as an empathetic gesture in the future by someone else?”

4. Children understand what it’s like to be upset, but what about anger, frustration, disappointment, excitement and other emotions? When they experience these emotions, they don’t always have the words to describe their feelings. If parents help children to understand their feelings, the children will be able to understand their emotions as well as others’ emotions. Emotions will be discussed in upcoming Blogs.

The empathy inherent in our children when they are born can either disappear if not nurtured, or if nurtured, can be encouraged to grow. Which do you choose to do for your children?

Psalms 103:13 says, “As the father has compassion on his children so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.” (NIV) The Lord has compassion/empathy/pity on us. If we remember the empathy God has shown us, it will be easier to show empathy to others.

James 1:27 states, “The religion which is holy andfree from evil in the eyes of our God and Father is this: to take care of children who have no fathers and of widows who are in trouble, and to keep oneself untouched by the world.” (Bible in Basic English) 

20% of the population in the United States are divorced and 1/3 of those over the age of 15 are single. Some of those single people have children but have never been married. As a result, we have an obligation to have empathy on them.

Churches have failed the fatherless and widows of today’s world. Children orphaned by divorce are suffering. In the movie “UP” (Disney/Pixar) it shows the need of a child needing male attention. 

Unfortunately our churches are geared towards married couples, thus, a lot of the singles and single parents feel like they don’t belong. If a single person spends time in a married couple’s home they might cause one of the spouses to fall into sin thus being touched by the world.

This mind-set is left over from the mid 19^th century when they use to believe such things as; if you listened to musical instruments you would go to hell, or if you consumed alcoholic beverages that you were a sinner thus you were touched by this world.  Even in today’s modern society, some churches think that contemporary music is “worldly”.

Does your child have a friend from a divorced family? What can you do together to show empathy to that child? If your child doesn’t have a friend from a divorced family, you won’t have to look too far to find one. I also challenge you to help the child’s mother with any emotional support she may need. When she doesn’t know what to do with her child, she typically has no one to talk to, so be there for her. 

Not only will GOD bless you for taking care of His widows and fatherless., but you can become your child’s hero too.

Confidence is believing in ourselves: that we can do anything, achieve anything and be anything. 

It is important, because it helps us to try new things, take risks, persist when obstacles appear and find creative ways to solve problems. 

Confident children are able to make decisions and choices without the help of others. They meet challenges head on. Isn’t this what we want for our children? Do we want them to make their own choices? Do we want them to be children who stand up for themselves and others? 

As parents, we play a major role in developing our children’s confidence. It is our reactions that tell them whether we approve or disapprove of them. When we encourage their efforts, not just their successes, we promote their confidence. We teach them that they do not need to fear failure, that they should keep trying, because eventually they will come up with the answers to their problems or the ability to do what they are setting out to do. 

Do our children understand that life is full of ups and downs? Do they know that sometimes they will succeed and sometimes they will fail? Most people don’t see the value of failing or having down times, because if they did, our society would have less need for anti-depressant drugs. We need to teach ourselves and our children that it is OK to make mistakes or even fail sometimes, because we are not perfect. But our mistakes or failures don’t determine who we become – only the outcome. Will we give up, or will we try again? Confident people try again. 

Henry Ford had a great saying: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” We become who we are through our thoughts about what we can or can’t do. As parents, we need to help our children think about what they can do. 

What do you expect your child to become? Study after study verifies that children rise to the expectation of teachers, parents and other adults in their lives. Write down the person you see your child becoming – not what career she will have or how much money she will make, but what characteristics she will have. Think about important characteristics such as honesty, kindness, helpfulness, creativity, leadership, and persistence. Then find opportunities to praise her when she exhibits one of the characteristics: “That was so helpful. I’ll bet you help lots of people when you grow up.”  ”You were the first one to be honest. Honesty will help you as you get older because other people will be able to trust you.” 

Your child wants you to be proud of her. Take the time today to tell her how proud you are. Encourage her that you are proud when she steps out of her comfort zone to try something new.  It doesn’t matter whether she accomplished it – just that she tried.

What are we afraid of?

 “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you must look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”   Eleanor Roosevelt

If we are to gain confidence by every experience in which we look fear in the face, we must also confront a question: What are we doing that makes us afraid?

Many times in my life, I have run away from the things I fear. Or I have put it off until it became more painful not to do it than to do it. I know I am not alone in these actions, because I often have heard people speak on this topic.

I have found as a mother of two awesome girls that I don’t want them to go through life the way I have. I want them to break free of the same chains that may have prevented me from being the person I knew I could be. I want them to be all they can be. But how can I make that happen?

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Confidence is gained by the experiences in which we face fear.” Does that mean I must let my children do something they are afraid to do? Must I encourage them to do something that scares them? Will I need to lead by example and do something that I am afraid to do?

The answer to all of the above questions is the same: yes!

Confidence is like the ocean tide: sometimes we have a great amount, similar to high tide.   Sometimes we have very little — low tide. Our lives are no different than the ocean’s currents. We need to realize this and make our children aware of it. Once we have this awareness, life when we don’t have very much confidence becomes more bearable. We experience no guilt or self-condemnation that we are failures. It is just a process of life over which we have no control, like the receding of the water at low tide. But we can take steps needed to move forward into confidence.

What are some steps you can take to build your child’s confidence during the low tides of life?

First, find an activity your child has accomplished. Is it riding a bike, hitting a home run, catching a fly ball, winning a chess game, making an art piece, knowing how to spell,  being good at math, graduating from kindergarten? Everyone is good at something.

Take pictures of your child achieving in that activity and write words of encouragement or quotes around the picture to create a success notebook. This can be taken out and reviewed when confidence is low. Your child can relive the event through the words and pictures. His eyes will see the results of his achievement, his hands can touch the picture and the book. He can read words written about his great achievement. This will impact  several senses and learning abilities, helping his confidence to grow.  

Other ways to record successes include writing your child’s achievements on pieces of paper and connecting the pieces together to form a success chain than can circle a room.

Post your child’s success stories on a bulletin board with so they are visible every day.

These activities bring the child’s successes to the front of his mind. He will see where he has been, increasing his confidence to succeed when faced with fearful challenges in the future.

Activity: The Power of Our Words

My children loved this activity. It helped them understand they can’t take back their words once they were spoken.

Let your children empty a tube of toothpaste onto a plate. (I bought the cheapest kind I could find.)  Have them play with it for a couple of minutes. (They will love it if you play in it as well.) Then ask them to put the toothpaste back into the tube. You can try different objects like a toothpick or spoon to help. Everyone helps clean up if there is a mess.

Were you able to get any of the toothpaste back into the tube?

The toothpaste represents our words. Once they are out of our mouths (the tube), it is impossible to put all of the toothpaste back (taking back what we have said).

Did the toothpaste just stay on the plate or did it go somewhere else?

If the toothpaste got on anything (your child and your fingers), it is just like our words affecting other people in addition to the ones we talked to.

Do the different types of toothpaste taste the same? (If you bought a cheap brand, have them taste some of it and compare it to the one you normally use.) Our words can leave a different taste with our friends depending on what types of words we use.

Questions to ask your child:

What kind of an effect can our words have on other people?

• What type of sweet words did you say today?
• What type of hurtful words did you say today?
• What type of caring words did you say today?

Our words have power in them. We can use our words to make someone feel good or bad. What is something good you can say to your friends or family members today?

 Last year I decided I needed to be more active in helping her reach her goal. I signed us up for a Writing for Children class at the community college. She would only attend if she did not have to read her writing aloud. The teacher was so gracious and she said that she could read when she was ready.

Isabella was 14. I told her that a bunch of old people would not laugh at her when she shared besides if she wants to be an author at some point people would have to read her writing. After a couple of months, she did read her writing. I was blown away, she was good.

 Our class turned into a support group. In June, we had a writing assignment to take three objects and write anything that came to mind. Twenty minutes later Isabella had the story Finger like Branches. It has taken almost three months before she allowed others to read her writing. Now I am asking for feedback from everyone I know and do not know. I am on a mission to change the picture she has of herself.

Over the last year, I have been building her self-esteem by

• Taking her to writing class
• Encouraging her every week or two about how great she writes
• Now asking others for input because she thinks I have to say she is great because I am her mother.

The last year has been so rewarding. I was blessed to spend time with her every week. I was able to talk to her and encourage her. I did something she wanted to do and I have seen tremendous growth in her life. I would not trade it for a million dollars.

•  Is there a class you can take with your child?
• What words of encouragement can you share with your child?
• Can you enlist the help of others to share their image of your child with them so they can see themselves as they truly are?

What is the one action step you are going to make today? Leave me a note telling me what it is. It will make you more accountable because you will feel like you have to do it.

• Self-esteem is the feelings we have about ourselves.
• Self-image is the picture we have of ourselves in our mind.
• Self-concept is what we think about ourselves.

 The way to improve our success in life is to improve our thoughts, image and feelings.  As adults, we have the power to affect those children’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept.

 Yesterday morning when I was in bed, I heard a mother screaming at her child, “You split milk all over the place. You f***ing child. What the h*** were you thinking? …. Who gives a f*** if you are sorry”

My heart broke for that child. What kind of self-image do you think he will have? As parents and caregivers, we do make an impact on our children. What kind of an impact do you want to make?

 Oprah Winfrey’s grandmother saw in Oprah talent for talking. She had her reciting scripture at church before she was in kindergarten.

Tiger Wood’s dad saw in him a talent for golf. At age 2 he put him in a tournament for boys 10 and under. Tiger won.

Bill Gates, mother was part of the Lake Side Mother’s Club that raised money to get a computer at his school in 1967. Bill was in the 7^th grade. In the 8th grade, he was paid to be a computer  programmer.

Grandmother, dad or mother we have the power to shape our children’s lives. What will you commit to do today to help your child’s self-esteem, self-image and self-concept improve?

Discouraged he walks off and meets a weasel who encourages him to try different sounds with his trumpet. Then he had him look inside to find his voice. Ellison closed his eyes and concentrated hard and the sound that came out was beautiful.

All the elephants came to see who made that wonderful music. Even the elephants that teased him before wanted Ellison to teach them how to make that beautiful music.

As you read this wonderful book, you can talk to your child about several different things:
1. It is ok to be different
2. Everyone needs to be encouraged
3. Look inside yourself to find your music
4. Forgive past hurts and help those who have teased you

(Please note- When I indent, I am answering questions and sharing insights just as if I was talking to a child.)

It is ok to be different
What did all the great elephants in history have in common?
They were different and that is what made them great.
What can you do that is different from others?
How did the other elephants treat Ellison because he was different?
He was teased and made fun of. Ellison had his feelings hurt. So he went to a place to be all alone. It was in that place he discovered his voice. He discovered what he was good at. Good things can come out of being alone.

Everyone needs to be encouraged
Ellison needed Weasel to help him find his gift. No one makes it to the top by him or herself. We all need people to help us.
Who is helping you?
Who are you helping?

Look inside yourself to find your music
Gloria and Mumble looked inside to find their heart song in Happy Feet. Everyone has something to give this world. We just have to look inside of ourselves to find out what it is.
What is your music?
What makes you special?

Forgive past hurts and help those who have teased you
We will all be hurt at some point in life. That is part of growing up. But what are you going to do with hose hurts? Are you going to let them weigh you down so you can’t share your music with others or are you going to forgive them and move on in life?
Who in your life has hurt you?
Have you forgiven them?
How can you forgive them?

It is ok to be different. That is how you become great. The music inside of you will compel you into greatness if you listen to it. You are doing something that no one else is doing. Reach out and help someone. You will be so glad you did. And offer forgiveness to those who hurt you even if they don’t accept it. You will be able to live in more peace.

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